Trust

A bajillions people hav already written about this, I'm sure, but I don't have what they wrote in front of me.

What does it take for people to form bonds with others, no matter how weak? People in small cities or rural areas seem to know all their neighbors. But those in big cosmopolitan megatroplises can pass a thousand souls in a day without as much meeting their eyes.

[we] big city folk don't have sticks stuck up our behinds, we just needed a [natural?] way of dealing with the onslaught of faces. I recently learned about a famous Marijuana researcher's discvery of the effect of forgetting caused by the plant's female variety. The extension of the research was that forgetting is a good way not to overflow your brain with perhaps useless information. Now I am starting to think that people may also have natural behaviors which prevent you from taking in situations to-be-remembered in the first place.

If you memorize the face of everyone in your proximity on the train ride to work, would you go crazy? And is it only pruning which prevents you from having their faces inyour brain? It is roughly an oblivion not to extend your eyes out to those passerbys.

So in the case of talking to a stranger , we require very little trust. But there is enough potential variation there for your interaction to go from what we call "small talk" to a possible friendship.


I was a bit stunned when reading the comments on this [1] article at kansan.com. The author was talking about how particular cultures' social norms dictate how we act. First off, I think our social behavior is not only influenced by culture, but also your hard-wiring. People can read each others' faces and body language to try to tell if someone is trying to swindle us.

One commentor at [1] went so far as to say approaching strangers to help them out is a form of discrimination, because you judging their "needy" "appearance" is really insulting their right to be left alone.


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Thinking people recognize the difference between appearance and reality: "Looking like" is not the same as "being" something. You should not make this judgment about a stranger. Most people today don't like being messed with by strangers in public--it scares them. It's just not smart to trust jerks who would try insinuating themselves into others' lives so offensively--might be a thug or a mugger.

Discrimination means treating people differently. Per civil rights law it's illegal to regard or treat people as having a disability--it creates an uneven playing field
.........

I heard in some cities it is not legal to tell someone who looks like a man not to use a women's bathroom, because you are stereotyping that because he looks like a man he is a man. This is to protect against transgender discrimination I think. I have not heard this play out in real life, but this regulation seems slightly silly, especially when someone may end up making other people uncomfortable by using what to most doesn't look right the right bathroom.

I think the tradeoff between sometimes offending people and making someone's life easier may be worth it. Besides, there are subtle techniques you could use to show your help inclination without making your target get all self-conscious. You can simply make eye contact and smile. If they pull their eyes away, then you have your answer. If they smile back, then you can offer to help.


It is all in how you frame it. If you _tell_ the other person, 'let me get that for you,' then pity comes to mind. But if you _ask_ if you can help, then you are more likely perceived as 'compassionate'.




References
[1] http://www.kansan.com/news/2009/oct/29/ho-social-cue-ignorance-offensive/